huh. so i don't know how to describe this feeling. it's kind of a mix. maybe a bit of disappointment, hurt, melancholy, misunderstandings... and definitely helplessness for not being able to take back what actions have been taken, be it my own or someone else's.
i've had no time this quarter. spring quarter, i suppose, is most stressful because the sun comes out and all you want to do is relax. your motivation level sinks to its all-time low, and you frankly don't care because you're behind on schoolwork anyway. what's the point, really, to play catch up? i hate that game. i was on top of everything fall and winter quarter, and here i am now, lacking every spirit to work hard. summer's just around the corner (okay, not even... maybe more like just outside your door), and honestly, i'm burned out from everything. i love my job, i enjoy everyone's company, but gad damn. i'm getting sick of it all. i need some time off, and i know that is the only thing good for me right now. away from everyone, away from troubles, away from this environment, away with everything that i have been immersed in for the past year. in this sense, i'm really glad i'm going to japan this summer, because that means i will get the getaway that i've been craving without even trying. thank goodness. i'm just done. i'm ready for next year. i just hope i survive the remainder of this one.
it's funny. when one aspect of your life is going extremely well, some other part of your life is falling apart. i've never got that perfect balance, you know. and once i start to mend the pieces of the fallen part of my life, the stable side throws a tsunami. and with what has been happening in the last couple days, i really am starting to get sick of my life. i know i can't please everyone, so stop trying to make me feel bad for what i had deemed a reasonable action. i'm sorry if it had a negative effect on some, but i don't know what else i can do. why am i even trying?
blah, blah, blah. let me complain about my life for a second, alright? i mean, the last post was ages ago. too bad time is the only thing that will solve everything.
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snow patrol up-close and personal + maroon 5 concert = happy mai :)
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boo for being sick :(
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thank you, too. for all times before and to come.
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there are so many reasons to smile. this is freaking awesome!
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i just found inspiration.
you know that feeling, when you just know something is how it's supposed to be? there's no turning back, whatever happens, happens? it's the easiest way to look at things, you know... because you take all the intellect out of it. and sometimes, that's how things have to be. but i'd like to think i have some control over my life. today, at least up to this point, has proved to be a disaster, if you ask me. plan a wasn't working so i think up plan b in 2 minutes, and then find out i also need a plan c, and then in the end, plan a worked out after all. in short, i did a lot of extra work that i didn't have to do. my energy could have been conserved, my energy could have been used for something more productive. but as we all know, my job requires a lot of flexibility. and that's just how it's gotta be.
but even with unexpected changes and an annoyed japanese girl (that would be me), i still like to think that i am the conductor of my own life symphony. maybe the violins hadn't been tuned right today, maybe the articulation in the trumpet fanfare was off. whatever it was, i need it fixed by tomorrow. life's too good to be fixing little things like that. let's go for the full canvas rather than the details. but deep inside, you know that the little things are the ones that count. those are the things that will be your laughing pill when you need it most. the seemingly insignificant things in life prove always the most significant. and luckily for me, i am quite fond of the details that life has to offer.
i performed a self-composed minuet in music class on monday. it doesn't have a title. it's a minuet for solo clarinet with piano accompaniment. i got to perform it in front of my music class. at first it was nerve-racking; i hadn't touched my main instrument in ages. but once i got up there, everything came back and i realized just how much i love the sound my my good ol' clarinet. it's been with me through everything, and i owe it many an apology for neglecting it for so long. but never fret-- i'm back on the ball. i am still a clarinetist, ladies and gentlemen. and i love it more than ever.
and now for the question of the day: why?
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hm. how would you describe this? you tell me, because i've no words to do it justice.
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